i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
