You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
MIDGETS
????
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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