just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Randomize
