Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Randomize
