I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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