I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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