I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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