I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
What a dumb baby whore.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
