I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
