a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize