I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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