What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
