i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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