So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
