i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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