why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
