Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
