does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
