where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
