Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
