wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
