If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
