The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I deserve this hangover.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
