So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
