he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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