I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
