Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Operation Purity has been aborted
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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