Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We're too hungover to prance.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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