And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
