...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize