Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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