Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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