Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
