I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
