You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
