the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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