Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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