Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
