gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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