I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
