I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
