Fuck appropriateness.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
