Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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