____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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