where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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