did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
