fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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