currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My vagina just recognized that song.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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