can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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