you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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