Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
