Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
