i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
