This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
