There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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