He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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