Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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