I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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