I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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