He is such a slut. More and more my type.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
