evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize