Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
