At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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