Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
