also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
