I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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