fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
