She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
