as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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