swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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