Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
