Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
