Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
