It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
