I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
