This gyro tastes like lonliness
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
