I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
