Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
