I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
