If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
