Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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