I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
