Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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