we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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